When we lived in the Santa Ana house, back before David was even born and when my sister and I still shared a room, I remember my blessed Mother (who was a stay-at-home Mom at the time) deciding that the proper way to awaken her weary children on summer mornings was to blast Greg Laurie's 9:00 am radio program throughout our sun-drenched house.
Many mornings, I woke to this theme song: "It's a new beginning, a new beginning. If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation. OLD THINGS HAVE PASSED AWA-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY-AY. And it's a new beginning, a new beginning..."
Then we'd go downstairs, eat cinnamon toast, and play the game of Life.
Summers were pretty awesome when I was a kid.
This morning, I wish I could hear that song. (Lucky for me, I have a permanent loop of it available in my head.) My life feels jumbled. Nothing sounds better to me right now than a plate of my Mom's cinnamon toast and a few rounds of the game of Life.
Instead, I'm sitting at my desk, very uncomfortably present in this world I have created for myself - realizing that this is what I've got to work with. And despite my intense desire to pull an ostrich and bury my head in the sand and stay there until everything around me goes back to normal, I know I need to push forward. Because although my life is sometimes big and scary and overwhelming, it's the only one I've got. And if I'm honest with myself, back when I was rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and lazily slinking down the Santa Ana house stairs with Teddy and Blanket under my arm, this was what I was (grumpily) thinking about. The day that I would be a grown-up, and could decide for myself how I would choose to be woken up on a Monday morning. When I would have my own place, maybe a husband and a puppy of my own, and live my own life, make my own decisions.
Grass is always greener, huh?
Mr. Handsome and I had a lovely weekend. Perfectly lovely. I am so thankful for him. He bridges that deep chasm in my spirit between being a responsible adult and being a happy little kid - and makes me dance and giggle and release the Inner Silly that melds those two selves seamlessly and beautifully. Did I mention I'm grateful? In fact, all I want to do is hop in my car, drive home, snuggle under the covers with him and wiggle my feet around until my toes find his.
But time continues pressing on, a new week has started, and there are people who count on me, tasks to be completed, work to be done. Maybe it's difficult today because my heart is still a little bruised, and my favorite way to deal with hard situations is with a nap.
But back in the corners of my memory, I hear that cheery choir quietly blending their voices: "a new beginning...a new beginning....a new beginning..." and I know that my little packet of cinnamon oatmeal isn't the same as my Mom's cinnamon toast (not even close), but it will do. And it doesn't include a colorful plastic spinny wheel, but I am in fact playing my own game of Life right now.
And Mr. Handsome's toes? They'll be there when I get home.
Time to let the sun-drenched office (ok, I can pretend) and those singers in my head start me off on the right foot - and make the most of this day I've been given.
Good Morning, Week of October 26, 2009.
Let's begin.
7 comments:
Lovely post. I can just imagine you as a little girl eating cinnamon toast with your big sister.
Praying life becomes all you ever imagined it to be...and then some.
♥
Sounds like we're starting our week the same. I blogged about this exact/almost exact thing last week.
Here's to crispy fresh new weeks and making our own grass greener! :)
i love reading your blog.
period.
Oh, how I love those memories. I often think of mom's cheerful voice saying, "Time to rise and shine!" as she turned on Greg Laurie. You and I would talk about what we were going to do that day before we got out of bed for breakfast. I wish I could still wake up next to you!
Loved this post and love you.
I love this. That is all.
I am coming in 17 DAYS!!! I will make you cinnamon toast every morning and sing "It's a New Beginning" too, if it will make you happy, but my voice is pretty froggy in the mornings! You know, Greg Laurie has changed his theme song and although it's very nice, I really miss the old one... I will even go out to the garage and dust off the game of "Life" and bring it with me if you wish, but I'm looking forward to spending time with you and Josh and sharing in the wonderful "life" that you two have made together. You are a joy, Little Girl, and I love you with all my heart.
Hurry up, November 13th!!
Your entry is my cup of coffee this morning (although I am also enjoying a real cup of coffee because I desperately need it).
I giggled when I read about that morning show because that's how my mom woke us up every day for school! We started listening to sermons from 5:30-7:30 right before she dropped us off for school. :D
I love that you wiggle your feet around under the covers. Mike calls it my "happy feet", and when I wiggle my toes, he says, "Hi toes." I love that we express love with our feet, too. :D
I am comforted to know that you--so far away--are also choosing joy and gratitude in the midst of, well, life. Cling to that joy. And hope--don't stop hoping. :)
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