Resolve

"Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead..."
-The Apostle Paul
(Philippians 3:13)

I do not make New Year's resolutions. I just don't.

I'm not opposed to making them, per se, I just don't ever do it. For instance, many people this year will resolve to Just Say No - to drugs, to alcohol, to Jack in the Box and to junk in their trunks. Weight will be lost. Weight will also very likely be regained. (Plus a little extra thrown in for good measure - being skinny is cold!)

See, the problem with this type of resolution for me is that I resolve several times - successfully! - to lose weight each year. And then I - successfully! - gain it back. I'd like to blame society or my mother or my jeans (that's not a misspelling), but really - it's Josh's fault. He who introduced me to the fleeting pleasures of junk food and seduced me with candy-coated promises has now left me with a blubber-coated midsection.

(Although it's not as if he force-fed me. So maybe it is my Mom's fault, after all...)

At any rate, several other people (come to think of it, probably many of the same people) will resolve to be better with their finances this year. We're in an economic downturn, people! But do not fear - change is coming! Yes we can! In fact, if you really want to make some change, see if you can get yourself in way over your head, then ask the federal government to use taxpayer dollars to bail you out. (Worked for Wall Street. And the automotive industry.) Hey, Mr. President Elect - we want change! In small, unmarked bills, please.

The problem with this type of resolution is that I already lost a countless number of slumber hours to 2008 over financial woes. I have this problem - it's called an anxiety disorder with obsessive compulsive tendencies, I'm almost positive - and stress out about our budget. Even when it's fine. I incessantly check the Excel spreadsheet, recheck the Excel spreadsheet, ask Josh to check the Excel spreadsheet...

(In fact, maybe this one is Josh's fault, too. It's definitely not my Mom's - my Dad was the banker...)

I think my problem on the Resolution front is that I really have nothing new to resolve. I fret year-round about things I'm not doing right or ways I'm not measuring up to my impossibly high standards. I don't just save that for the holidays - I like to spread the cheer equally through all the year. (I also sing loud for all to hear.)

I know some people - especially in Hollywood - explain their emaciated frames and lifeless, hungry eyes as being a result of overwhelming, appetite-suppressing stress, although I will not name names. *cough* Nicole Richie *cough cough*

Taking a cue from her (who? *cough*) hippie, boho/heroin-chic example, here is my resolution for 2009:

Stress out about everything you can't control or change overnight and lose a crapload of weight!

*Side bonus - ulcers!

I kid, I kid.

This year, in lieu of actually making a specific resolution, I'm going to resolve to do what I already know I should do. Instead of ceremoniously proclaiming my intentions, I'm going to just do the things I know I should already be requiring of myself. No, I won't have the satisfaction of proving to people that I've achieved my goal. No lists will be crossed off. No pride, no fanfare.

But maybe, just maybe, 2009 will be better than 2008.

And isn't that - really - what it's all about?